Unmet Needs and the Corporate User I: The Dearth of Practical Portables.

Believe it or not, some of us are actually trying to get some work done using mobile platforms. Maybe if the vendors got off the damn phone they might notice. But... nooooo. Damn it.

I can see the headline now… "Corporate Productivity Plummets as Employees Embrace Smart Phones". That's the problem. The employees want the smart phones, the iPhone being the most sexy of the current offerings. But I don't see the smart phone, as realized, meeting any corporate needs that a simple cell phone can't already meet.

[I'm sorry, I misspelled the word "my" as in "my needs"…
I am the corporation…
I. Corporation. ]

I'm a simple man, with simple needs. Unmet needs. Unmet Corporate Needs.

Before you suggest that a hundred companies would shove workable solutions in my face if only they could wade through all the crap I pile into a simple "I Want This" message, may I remind you that, as a government employee, I have little sympathy for your need to wade through unnecessary verbiage.

I just want to deploy some vector-based applications to users in the field, updated periodically, and on a platform that is big enough to see without Lasik surgery (not included), but small enough that they don't throw their backs out hoisting it around.

The software platform is simple. Flex/FDS/Flash Player. Yes, Flash Player. NOT Flash Lite (or a flash light and some batteries as Purchasing delivered when I asked for a "Flash Lite Development Kit").

Why not Flash Lite? Because I don't need users to just look at pretty pictures, interact with each of the twelve social networks they belong to, or watch YouTube videos. The application in question was designed with the express intention of rendering all inadequate delivery solutions, well, inadequate. Unusable, more precisely.

Back to my Unmet Corporate Needs.

I need a hardware platform that is portable. Portable!. That means it's not a laptop. It should be hearty, but not rugged, and no, please God, not ruggedized—we'd like to be able to afford more than one, thank you.

I couldn't care less what operating system it runs, as long as Flash Player 9 runs on it pretty well.

I need some kind of wireless connectivity, and couldn't care less whether that is via cell service or wifi (local or wide-area).

I need a screen that is, maybe, seven-to-nine inches diagonally. I couldn't care less what the aspect ratio is.

I DON'T need a keyboard, keypad, or clever stylus solution. I also don't need a multi-touch interface—it'd sure be swell, but single-touch will do.

I don't need a CD drive, a hard-drive (flash memory is fine), and not all that much in the way of storage in general -- 20GB tops, 10GB would do swell.

It should be very handsome. Sexy. Flashing lights and psychedelic swirls that ebb and flow as the machine heats up. Just kidding. (Actually, that's not a bad description of my wife.)

So. If you're like me, you don't mind proprietary technology—unless it sucks. This isn't to say ESRI's ArcPad wasn't a good thing for, oh, the mid-90s, but, "Hello Jack? Windows 3.0 called and want's their interface back." If they gave me another option besides that Bleed-The-Customer-Dry-On-The-Prescription-Plan ArcWeb Services, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Please note: I'm not going to settle for some half-ass yesterday's news product offering. It's GIS, for God's sake, not rocket scientry. (Although I did have an interesting discussion with a colleague who was recording the strength of the gravitational field throughout a nearby ICBM-friendly Air Force Base into a GIS. Something to do with the fact that that the control and navigation systems are so precise these days that the ever-so-slight variations in gravity between launch pads less than a mile apart was enough to screw things up. Cool, eh?)

Where was I? Oh ya. I'll make my own damn mobile map service (or at least a slick and useful and modern interface to piggy-back upon the capable server-side functionality offered by ArcGIS Server).

Moreover, if you're like me, you've got a bunch of folks who need to interact with spatial data out in the field, who are unwilling to wear the glasses necessary to see that stop sign we just passed, let alone anything like an iPhone. Strangely, they don't seem to have much in the way of trouble with their own cell phones, only devices intended to help them perform their jobs better.

So where is my iTablet? My Microsoft-brand VistaPad? Whatever.

I was so excited to click on the link, "Flash and AIR Phone by Ribbit", and so, so, so very disappointed to see what the hubbub was about. At this point, you'd see, I'd take a small screen if it gave me my Flash Player 9, but that wasn't to be.

Here's hoping this multi-touch thing catches on in a bigger way. Maybe then, everyone will start fingering each other (remotely… and figuratively… or not) rather than blabbing away into the latest cell phone at the table next to me during lunch, gosh darnit.

You know who you are. Don't make me get all Larry David on your ass… or more likely, write a really meandering and boring blog entry about you and your inappropriate use of the open-palm-up Universal-Hand-Sign-For-Washroom-Lovin' in the office lunchroom.