Vibrators and the Circle Jerk of Blogging

In junior high school, I, like hundreds-of-thousands of junior-high-age boys across America, yearned to be a part of the fabulous phenomenon known as circle jerks. Every day at school, I'd see those cool guys who, and could just tell liked circle jerks, and was distracted all day with the thought that after school, they hopefully might let me "like" circle jerks with them.

Alas, I never partook in the circle jerk phenomenon. My mom wouldn't let me. She didn't think it was proper; she didn't understand. She didn't understand how addicting the power, the intensity, heck, the majesty of a bunch of hormonally-engorged junior high boys coming together might be. Not that I did either, truth be told. But I'd seen pictures, and it was something I sure wanted a part of. They always looked cool, and I wanted to be cool too. I had hormones too, after all.

But, no. I was never allowed. I couldn't partake in the mystical magical world of early 80's Los Angeles punk rock as typified by the hardcore stylings of Hermosa Beach's own Circle Jerks, and all those cool guys in their black t-shirts emblazoned with circle-A anarchy symbols never did give me the time of day.

Well, like hundreds-of-thousands of altogether different junior-high-age boys across America, upon learning what most people thought of when hearing the phrase "circle jerk", I was more than a little confused why so many of our peers would knowingly walk around publicly advertising their participation an activity so, otherwise, reviled.

And for the first time, I was glad I never participated in the whole Circle Jerks phenomenon (much as I was glad to have not participated in the whole circle jerk phenomenon either, now that I think about it).

Today, though, I feel a bit like I'm in junior high again, and want to be like the cool kids, but being a bit wiser than I was in junior high, I'm wondering when the other shoe will drop—what's the trick, the catch, the downside.

That said, I don't feel quite the same need to be liked (or certainly not laughed at) by the people around me every day. I do tend to at least try to avoid getting laughed at these days, as a rule, but I'm more of the mind that there are far too many people in the world to be concerned with whether the few I happen to be in proximity to are well-adjusted enough to act at least like college students, if not the (almost) middle-age adults that they are. But the possibility of falling into disfavor with what amounts to the cool kids continues to remain near the top of my Things Not To Do™ list.

Today, though, I'm gonna take a chance. I'm gonna be like the cool kids. I'm gonna actually reference another blog that references another blog that references news on a website, all in the hopes that blog syndicators and link aggregators manage to position my blog higher than everyone elses including the original content, and thus generate more views, and thus generate more ad revenue and MAKE ME RICH! (cue: sinister laughter)

Note to self: put ads on blog.

Here goes, wish me well...

Mr. Ben Nadel is something of an enigma. He fancies himself a ColdFusion Applications Developer, but I've been under the impression that Cold Fusion is in fact more of a solution for a whole bunch of already existing applications, or problems. To Mr. Nadel, I say, how about we take care of the problems we already know about before coming up with new ones, thank you very much.

But I digress.

Mr. Ben Nadel, ColdFusion Applications Developer. Hmmm. Developer.

Working here at the City, we get a lot of developers in here, always wanting to infect some pristine community or another with their nasty SPRAWL. Now Mr. Fancy Pants Ben Nadel wants to put some cold fusion reactor and whatever might be his idea of an application for it in the middle of some pristine community or another. Forget sprawl, hello Armageddon!

Mr. Ben Nadel, ColdFusion Applications Developer, may know a thing or two about a thing or two (like land development constraints related to space-age-energy-generators performing yet-unknown tasks), but I really gotta wonder what might possess a fellow to dare, particularly in public, on the almighty (and archived) internet, to ever suggest that the use of a good Javascript library helps or hinders development without one, might ever go over well with a woman who has considered the appropriate role of a vibrator in her life, when compared to same...

Of course, I've always used a women's vibrator when programming Javascript—good library or not... especially with friends... but Mr. Ben Nadel is certainly right about one thing, jQuery is pretty darn cool.

Somewhere in Mr. Ben Nadel's sprawling metropolis, a woman cries out—"What is it with you men and your jQuery? Can't we have one night without a library?", while another hollers, "I love you honey, but get the hell off of me and find my jQuery. NOW!"

Identification of which voice came from Mr. Ben Nadel's abode, if either, is left as an exercise for the reader, as is any conclusion relevant to the substantive information of this message.

Follow up: My constant reader from Namibia (who continues under the mistaken impression that I am still interested in purchasing Viagra from him without a prescription) writes to inform me that Mr. Ben Nadel is not, in fact, a physicist, as I had thought. But wait, there's more. He says ColdFusion is a Macromedia/Adobe server language, and that a ColdFusion Application is, in fact, an application written to run on said server. A ColdFusion Application Developer is, he says, the person who writes said application. Certainly food for thought, I think. He goes on: "All orders during the month of September receive free Cialis and Levitra with every order for Viagra." Food for thought, indeed.