I know this because Tyler knows this.

With a few clicks of the mouse and a smattering of keystrokes, it was alive. I fear the very idea of it. Of what it could become. It all starts here. At the beginning.

I play it safe and choose a clever quote from a recent film with a cult-following. Beats the heck out of the ever-so-tired Hello World misappropriation that appears by default. But what other options are there, really. There is no guide. The help says nothing. And all I can think of is more clever quotes from films and other sources with more and more obscure cult followings. All of which will lead, if I'm not careful, to naught but clever quotes from obscure cult followings about other clever quotes from altogether different obscure cult followings.

Clearly I hate the downward spiral because I am invariably drawn to it. Did I choose to start a blog simply as an excuse to further and more definitively align myself with the dark, the dangerous, the downward? Maybe.

If I had to pick a 'tagline', or motto, as we used to call it, I'd pick:

"Only half the world is made of teflon and asbestos, the rest, if ignited, would be quite delightful to behold."

It's fun enough, I think. I hope. Fun enough to be discarded out of hand as the pithy comment of a thirty-something guy who spent way too much time taking music way too seriously.

It's like a bad joke—what's the difference between a terrorist and an aging Einstürzende Neubauten fan? Answer: The terrorist hasn't given up on the world. No, I haven't given up, I just figure that starting over is easier than fixing anything. I'm a good consumer—I don't fix things, I just throw out the broken and buy new. Maybe if Baghdad had a Walmart, the world would be a better place.

I'm sure that both people who actually read this (one of whom is a fellow in Nambia who apparently needs my help to transfer money out of the country), will instantly understand what I'm all about. They know I actually own albums by Joy Division and The Cure on vinyl, cassette, CD, and DVD. The SAME albums in each format, all store bought, full price, no less—even some horribly-priced imports.

They know my inclination is to discuss the day in terms of good-news/bad-news, where the good-news is along the lines of finally experiencing the joys of name-brand saltine crackers, and the bad news is discovering I'm allergic to saltine crackers but refuse to stop eating them in spite of the rash.

Maybe it isn't about music and film at all, is it. Maybe it's about architecture. I should have called this blog, "Architorture and Façadomy". It's true—the thought delights me. Maybe everything is architecture, maybe architecture is everything. Even the name of the band from whom I briefly considered (at least a paragraph or two ago) adopting a lyric tagline, is translated as "Collapsing New Buildings". Go figure. Then again, it's all fairly transparent I would think. Maybe architecture is nothing.

But what is, is, and all of that is unimportant. This is a blog about maps. And circles, apparently. It is so because the other domain name I could choose from was MySuperArchitecture.com, and that, friends and neighbors, is simply more than I can stomach. Not the least of the problems with it—Blogging for Dummies suggests I write about things I know, and I'm not sure I'm qualified to comment on architecture. Then again, hasn't the term "architect" come to mean "real-estate developer with student loan debt and a therapist"?

Well, two out of three isn't bad, but it just isn't enough. Really, though, how can anyone expect me to develop real-estate now that my student loan is in default and my therapist refuses to accept any more of what I call "hopeful gestures of gratitude", or as he refers to them, "bad checks". A bit judgmental in my opinion.

And hey, I like maps. I like loops. MapLoop! I make maps and I am always running in circles. But I spent all that good student loan money on an architecture degree… well, aren't cartography and architecture related in some way? One is in hindsight, the other (supposedly) with foresight. But dangit, I didn't get cartographyloop, I got maploop. Aren't maps simply the two-dimensional tangible manifestations of the space we find and shape about us? "No, they are not toys, now stop playing around and give the map back to your father."

Oh well, what's done is done. Nothing left to do but make the best of it and invent all sorts of profound-sounding justifications for it all just like everyone else does on their own blogs.

I have to admit this whole blog thing is pretty impressive. I can say whatever I want and everyone has to listen. Those are the rules, aren't they? If people don't listen, it's censorship. If people don't care, it's discrimination. Until everyone shows up, the silence of the world is deafening. No one cares. They never do. But I can sleep knowing that I've finally been heard.

Really, though, I think the very reason I've put it off so long is the same reason I fear having a blog. I've already edited this post five or six seven or eight times. Of course that raises the question whether one must actually add new entries to ones blog. Could I not simply edit and re-edit this one post over and over until only a single sentence exists: "System failure. Post Unavailable"? Must one have mastered his reality to be master of his reality?

God help us all. I can't imagine the wisdom, the thoughts, the brilliance that would have to be in any written piece sufficient to compell me to return again and again, to re-read it each time it is revised in hopes of discerning the new insight conveyed by the author's recent edits. Then again, to be the creator of such a thing (with fast and unobtrusive advertising in place, of course) might be quite lucrative.

I have little doubt that BoingBoing has already covered five or six such examples of selfish self-loathing, calling each "insightful" or "interesting". Each, no doubt, will feel right at home amongst it's neighboring snippets after the requisite dose of anti-semitism is applied amid the passive proclamation of it's import. Cue Mr. Redford in three, two,...

Let's commit to that.

If all the world is thinking for themselves, and find they actually agree with one another, do you still call it thinking for yourself?

You see now why it might just be better to start over? I do, and I know this because Tyler knows this. Because Blixa knows this. Because Chuck knows this. Because Beckie knows this. Because Robert fears this. Next time around, though, I'll be really clever. Crafty. Interesting and entertaining as Blogging for Dummies suggests, like this:

I am Eric's web blog.

[Good start with the friendly, accessible Fight Club reference -- staying true to "who I am". The reader can tell the entries will be interesting because they reference something so cool.]

This is the place where I plan to write down all my thoughts and ideas and things.

[All?]

This is my first blog ever. It is called MapLoop so I plan to write about maps.

[um… wait a minute. I'm now wondering if the title was intended to be a Fight Club reference, or merely a descriptive phrase?]

I hope you enjoy my thoughts and ideas.

[Descriptive phrases are good.]

Leave me a comment!

PS: Brad and Angelina are SO going to adopt again this year. Don't you think?

[Um, on the one hand, good idea ending with a question that will encourage the reader to comment, but, uh, …oh, never mind.]

Seriously, though. Do you think Tyler would get a MySpace page as well?